Tag Archives: children

Remembering Bop-Bop

It’s been a tough week. My daughter and grandsons have been staying with me since we’ve all come down with colds and allergies due to the change in weather. We believe it’s better to care for each other, rather than try to go it alone.

We’ve found a place of comfort with each other in the midst of our losses. Today was a different day though.

This morning my five year old grandson came into my room. We tickled each other and laughed for a moment. Then he got off the bed and went to stand in front of the shelf.

There, on the top shelf a display of my husband’s life is stored.

Although my grandson was only three years old when his “Bop-Bop” went to Heaven, he remembers him dearly.

He took one of the photos off the shelf, crawled back up on the bed and stared at it intently while silent tears fell down his sweet, flushed cheeks.

My daughter and three year old grandson came into the room. When my daughter saw what was going on, she quietly led the baby from the room to allow his brother some quiet time to grieve.

As I sat next to my grandson with my arm around him, my own tears began to flow in response to his.

My grandson then asked me if I had a movie of Bop-Bop; and I put on Jerry’s memorial video as we snuggled in the chair to remember.

In the two years since Jerry has left us, there have been many times both my grandsons have declared how much they miss him. As a point of reference, the boys have begun waving at the moon to say hello to their Bop-Bop.

Having that point of reference means so very much to them. It gives them something physical to relate to their grandfather. We’ve told them their Bop-Bop lives in Heaven way behind the moon. So the moon became their tie to the spirit of their Bop-Bop.

Even the baby calls out to him and tells of memories he has even though he had just turn a year old when Jerry died.

When you are so very loved by someone, the age does not interfere with the love and memories. You would think that such small children would not have such vivid memories, wouldn’t you? Yet, their memories are strong and faithful.

It’s hard when children grieve. Many people do not really know how to handle a child’s grief, but it’s actually quite simple. Give them a point of reference; something tangible to relate to. Remember with them; cry with them; laugh with them. Help them keep the love alive.

Remembering Bop-Bop is important to my grandchildren just as it is to the rest of us. Telling stories and sharing memories helps them remember the love most of all.

Even if it brings tears, do not hide reality from young ones. It keeps the love alive and the fear at rest. Give them hope, faith and assurance that we’ll all be in Heaven together some day. Let them know that trusting what Jesus has promised; that He has prepared a place for us, assures us of love everlasting.

That’s how we remember Bop-Bop.

Being Gramama

          It’s cold outside. The frost blankets the ground like tiny diamonds, glistening in the morning sun. I walk around the concrete abutment so as not to impair the new, Spring grass budding beneath the minuscule icicles hanging from the blades. As I approach the rose bushes, I realize how long they have survived in blistering heat, drenching rain and heavy snow throughout the years. I look at the cross behind the roses, worn and weathered from the same elements that have spared the roses.

The cross was fashioned from a pattern my son had made in the shape of a sword he wanted for a costume. I had helped him cut it out of the thin press-board after he carefully drew the pattern, free-hand onto the wood. The following week, we made a cross for the side of the road where my son was killed instead of a sword for his costume.

Three years after setting the cross on the side of the highway, we moved out of town. I could not bear to leave the cross as it was something my son had painstakingly created on his own. Therefore, it now sits in my backyard, transplanted into a bronzed container, surrounded by the roses we placed in the church for his funeral.

My son was 20 years old when he moved to Heaven. I no longer had the opportunity before me to watch him grow into a man, to walk with him at his wedding, or attend the birth of his children. The realization of this lost future was devastating to me.

I was blessed to have had two beautiful, amazing children. My son was born just after my 24th birthday and my daughter was born shortly after my 26th birthday. I initially did not want children when I was younger, but having my children changed me and brought me love I never knew I possessed.

Losing my son so tragically, I tried my best not to lock my daughter in a closet. Although she was 18 years old when her brother left us, she was still my baby girl. When she moved out of our home a short time later, I sincerely felt I had lost both of my children. She had moved a whole three hours away and I felt like I had lost my world altogether!

I was so very grateful that my daughter moved back with me for the birth of her first child. I hadn’t really thought too much about grandchildren before that as my children were still young, mostly in my mind. Yet, being with my little girl during the blessed moment she had her son was beyond belief!

I am in no way saying that one child can replace another, but it felt like a new start for me. Although a grandparent’s role is far different than that of being a parent, I felt it still afforded me another chance at being a part of a future I had been denied with my oldest child.

I thought about my grandmothers and how they were an integral part of my life. They were the patience, reasoning and wisdom that young parents have yet to learn.           They were always a safe haven when “Mom/Dad doesn’t understand!” To me, my grandparents were angels on earth.

I count myself so very fortunate to have experienced a long life with my grandparents. In fact, I’m 52 years old and still have one grandmother living!

I know there are many people who’ve not grown up with grandparents and I’m so very sad they never knew that special love only a grandparent can give. Fortunately, technology has afforded us with Surrogate Grandparents to help connect families who live too far away, or simply do not have a grandparent in their lives.

Being Gramama to my grand-babies has made my world so very amazing. I love to watch them learn while they play, I love the “out of nowhere” hugs, kisses, snuggles and I love you’s that pop up so randomly. I love the fact that as I’ve grown and matured, I have achieved the kind of wisdom and patience that makes a grandparent who they are to a child.

If you are a grandparent and your grandchildren aren’t close, become a Surrogate Grandparent to a child or children close to you who do not have their grandparents with or near them. The benefits and rewards are so very amazing to both the children and the grandparents who pour out their love to each other, regardless of kinship.

Have a blessed day and remember to share your love and blessings with others!!!

Play Time

I grew up with nothing to do but play. I was fortunate that my mother also liked to play. I learned at a very early age that play time was quality time. I also learned that I had enough imagination to be able to securely play by myself. I know I was not the only child in this world to love being sent to my room when I misbehaved because I was comfortable with my own company (not that I intentionally misbehaved).

Children learn through play. In fact, so do most adults! Everything is more fun while playing. Some of the games I played as a child taught me many ways to manage my adult life, although I didn’t realized it at the time. Take hopscotch for example. I learned how to balance on one foot (helped with learning to walk in high heels and climb a ladder), how to count forward and backward (balancing that checkbook), how to skip to a higher level (use my experience to bypass redundant training), and I learned spatial recognition (how hard I had to throw my shoe in order to stop one of my children from a more horrible fate, like sticking their fork into the toaster).

Every schoolyard game taught valuable life lessons. Think about the life lessons your children are learning. Is it merely how to grow a large backyard (sitting on the couch watching TV) or how to swing a mean thumb (playing video games all day). If you believe either one of those activities is teaching your children anything about life, they are going to live a very sad one. Children should be making mud pies, taking nature walks, going to museums and concerts, growing a garden, building towers with blocks, learning “red light, green light”. All of these and more are a great foundation for life!

Play with your children in everything you do. Make games out of daily chores and obligations. Not only will it relieve your own frustration and stress, your children will learn teamwork, imagination, creativity, and simple self-esteem at accomplishment. So, make time to play!

Introduction

Welcome to Gramama’s Corner, where you can share in stories about life, love, children, home, work and any other little tidbits. I don’t know about you, but my grandmothers were a wealth of information on all of the above. Now that I am a grandmother, I understand even more adamantly, how precious their little life tidbits of wisdom were. The information and experiences they shared gave me such a firm grounding for learning and growing. So now, I would like to share these with you.

Some of the experience and advice I will share will not work for everyone; we are all individuals with our own directions. Yet, it never hurts to hear something different which could allow you options to provide to you some thoughts on a more diverse level.

Gramama’s Corner is not meant to replace medical or psychological help. In fact, I highly suggest that if you have a medical or psychological issue, you contact your family physician immediately to receive the professional help you may require.

The information that I share on this site is mostly my own opinion and is not meant to be offensive or deriding in any way. We all have our own beliefs and opinions and I am merely sharing thoughts on how to make life a joy.

Just a little background about me: I was a funeral service professional for more than 20 years. I have a degree in psychology and working on a degree in sociology, am a certified celebrant and public speaker and best of all, I am a grandmother to two beautiful baby boys!

If you do not agree with something I have written, please feel free to state your own opinion; just keep it civil. People hear you better when you whisper, than when you yell. Additionally, if you have helpful information from your own grandmothers or experience, please feel free to share. Again, keep it civil and positive. This blog is meant to increase love, joy and happiness.

Thank you for sitting in Gramama’s Corner with me!

My family
My family