Tag Archives: obey

‘Til Death Do Us Part

Wedding traditions are in constant flux and are becoming less and less traditional. Yet, there is something to be said for tradition. Tradition maintains social, familial and even personal harmony in life. Problem is; whose tradition do you maintain when marrying a person of different race, culture, religious beliefs, or even same sex?

I’ve attended many weddings and have listened to people who’ve written their own vows, officiants who’ve removed ceremonial wording, and attendees making bets on how long the marriage will last based on the color scheme the bride chose.

I don’t mean to be flippant here, but I’ve seen so many people treat marriage as an interim affiliation rather than a promise to Love, Honor and Obey. Oh yes, I can already hear you cringing at the word “obey”. Yet what “obey” means is literally to “listen to”. If you don’t listen to each other, how will you communicate your wants, needs, and desires to the person you’ve promised to love “Til Death Do Us Part” or will you cringe at that one too?

I’m no expert on marriage, far from it! In fact, I can share with you what NOT to do much easier than I can share what should be done based on my life experience. What I can tell you is, regardless of your race, culture, religious beliefs, or even sexual orientation, when you decide to take the leap of contracting yourself to another human being, you need to be thinking in terms of long-term purchase rather than a month to month lease.

When my last husband and I married, we jointly agreed to have a completely traditional, Christian wedding, with one exception; we married outside, under a gazebo in the park rather than in the church. Essentially, since both of us had previously aligned ourselves with lessees we wanted to be assured we would be enjoying the benefits as property owners this time.

Yes, I mean “property owners”. Do you believe that sounds derogatory? Why? Because people have misused and abused the true meaning of the significance in “The Two Shall Become One”. 

Did we have arguments? Yes. Did we disagree on some issues? Yes. Were there times we couldn’t stand being in the same room together? Yes. Did those things destroy our marriage and commitment to each other? No

Why do you believe some people can make it when others can’t? Is it because of the words? I believe that words are very powerful and can make or break any way of life.

My last husband was a pretty awesome guy. Sometimes, he really tried my nerves and sometimes I just couldn’t believe how lucky I was to call him mine. The point is that we made a commitment that neither one of us had really made before. We also realized that there were times when we just had to move on with our own opinions and make the choice to continue loving each other.

My husband died in my arms. It was an extremely painful experience to maintain my sanity through his illness and honor my word. Yet, as hard as it was, I have no regrets and feel forever grateful that I finally figured out what it really meant to have the kind of love, loyalty and devotion that we shared; even through the worst life had to throw at us.

I pray that all who read this understand that in any marriage there are going to be ups and downs. If you promise to “To love and Cherish, For Better or Worse, For Richer or Poorer, In Sickness and In Health, Til Death Do Us Part” and remember to keep that promise, you’ll most likely not have regrets either.